mental suffering
I was just over at Wendi's reading an interview that she had on bipolar disorder, which she suffers from. Although Wendi and I have never met personally, she is one of my bestest friends and I love her very much.
Reading her experiences brought up memories of my own life's struggle. They are memories now, thanks to medication therapy.
I had my first panic attack in a restaurant when hubby and I were dating, I was probably 17 years old. We were getting ready to order dessert...such an awful feeling of panic overwhelmed me, I felt frozen to my chair. As I got up to flee the situation, my feet felt like 500lb. weights. I could hardly breathe, I was shaking, my legs were weak.....I thought I was dying.
That's what panic disorder feels like.......it feels like you are going to die on the spot.
I suffered with this illness for most of my life until I was strongly encouraged (kickin' my ass) by friends (Wendi and Kate were two of them) and my family to get help almost 3 years ago. For 33 long years I lived my life in a panic state of mind. I avoided going out when I could, I avoided people (social anxiety), there was a time period when I couldn't even leave my home. I was depressed and even considered taking my life. I made everyone that loved me miserable.........misery loves company, right? I owe alot of my recovery to my husband, who stuck with me all these years. My poor son, I missed so much when he was growing up, like doing things with him, taking him places (I couldn't/wouldn't even think of driving)........it breaks my heart because he suffered too.........his mommy wasn't much of a mommy during this time.
At the present time, I have recovered due to medication. However, I will probably have to take my med's for the rest of my life. I'd say that my life is 95% better than it used to be (not too shabby and not complaining!). I still have to conquer the fear of driving by myself...that's been a slow process. Also, doing things on my own.......(that driving issue again!)
Becoming an independent soul.......I rely on others too much still. It's a habit now......I'm so used to it.
We all have our crosses to bear.........this is mine.
I was just over at Wendi's reading an interview that she had on bipolar disorder, which she suffers from. Although Wendi and I have never met personally, she is one of my bestest friends and I love her very much.
Reading her experiences brought up memories of my own life's struggle. They are memories now, thanks to medication therapy.
I had my first panic attack in a restaurant when hubby and I were dating, I was probably 17 years old. We were getting ready to order dessert...such an awful feeling of panic overwhelmed me, I felt frozen to my chair. As I got up to flee the situation, my feet felt like 500lb. weights. I could hardly breathe, I was shaking, my legs were weak.....I thought I was dying.
That's what panic disorder feels like.......it feels like you are going to die on the spot.
I suffered with this illness for most of my life until I was strongly encouraged (kickin' my ass) by friends (Wendi and Kate were two of them) and my family to get help almost 3 years ago. For 33 long years I lived my life in a panic state of mind. I avoided going out when I could, I avoided people (social anxiety), there was a time period when I couldn't even leave my home. I was depressed and even considered taking my life. I made everyone that loved me miserable.........misery loves company, right? I owe alot of my recovery to my husband, who stuck with me all these years. My poor son, I missed so much when he was growing up, like doing things with him, taking him places (I couldn't/wouldn't even think of driving)........it breaks my heart because he suffered too.........his mommy wasn't much of a mommy during this time.
At the present time, I have recovered due to medication. However, I will probably have to take my med's for the rest of my life. I'd say that my life is 95% better than it used to be (not too shabby and not complaining!). I still have to conquer the fear of driving by myself...that's been a slow process. Also, doing things on my own.......(that driving issue again!)
Becoming an independent soul.......I rely on others too much still. It's a habit now......I'm so used to it.
We all have our crosses to bear.........this is mine.
3 Comments:
I love you too sweetie {{{hugs}}} I am so very proud of you for what you have accomplished.
I love you too babe! You have accomplished a great deal in that last few years! You should be very proud of yourself!
I am so glad you're feeling better than you had been for so long! You've worked hard to get where you are... I know it's not an easy road and you've come so far. To echo Kate and Wendi: what a wonderful accomplishment. And I love ya too! :-)
Post a Comment
<< Home