last night

.....as I was browsing though our old VHS video tapes I discovered some home movies from 1987 and 1988. Of course, we just HAD to watch them!

Good lord, I was as skinny as a rail back then and I had no boobs! I guess I probably weighed about 115lbs. at a height of 5'10". That's super model skinny. That's also sick skinny. My facial features were so sharp and I had hollows in my cheeks. God, I looked so fragile.
I also had a untreated anxiety disorder and lived on pepto bismal. That was not a good time in my life.
As I was watching myself in the Christmas video shots.........I could almost feel the anxiety I felt back then. I hated to be the center of attention.....so while opening gifts........I was the center of attention. I felt panicked. And......I never wore that black leather mini skirt that I received as a Christmas gift from my Mom in that year of 1987. I remember that skirt........how could I ever wear it? I had too much anxiety to even leave the house in those days.

Watching those memorable moments made me laugh, but those memorable moments also made me so very sad.